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The names John, John Writer. Ex detective, now current videogames journalist. I bring you the scoops and review the vidyagames.
I ask all the tough questions; like when are you gonna buy Destiny? Whats your favorite color...shirt to wear when you preorder from the nearest Gamestop? Why are you such a bigot?
I don't like gamers, I think they're all Nazis with Wifi. At least thats what I tell myself to help cope with the fact that I'm a 34 year old man who writes about toys for a living. I'm also bed at not spellchech my Rteekickles.
I consider myself above all of you. You're like my own personal pikmin. Like those imps in Dungeon Keeper. Do as I say, rely on me as a credible source. Buy my friends game, its really good. If you don't behave the way I see fit, I shall use my popularity to belittle you and your gamer friends and then resume relying on you as a source of income....please keep clicking my articles you guys, I really need it.
I'm not very good with criticism, if you say something mean I'll consider you a troll and ban you. That goes double for the ones with proper grammeer and spell checked sentences, I get jealous.
You can also find me on dating sites such as Lonelyjournalist.com under the username "10/10wouldbangagenken" so if you're a AAA developer looking for a friend in the night with mind control over thousands of readers, I'll be there and if you're a below average looking spawn of satan dame looking for a sweaty manchild, I'll be there.
I hate all of you.
*This biography was edited to show that after a quick google search I am in fact 37 and not 34, sorry for the confusion*
*This biography was edited to show that I had forgotten Destiny had already released, I was so busy making another hype article for it that I had forgotten it was already out*
*This biography was edited to show that Destiny was just Borderlands in 1080p, I do not apologize if you came out disappointed and felt bamboozled by my article "Top 10 reasons you should buy Destiny". You should have known better. Its not my fault, its never my fault. Its yours. You child.*